so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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