So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
