Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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