YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
