You work out of a Hotel?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Two words: blizzard sex
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
