So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
