I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
