yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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