The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
