1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
