Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
