You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
