Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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