I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
