The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
