Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
