Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize