every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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