How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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