Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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