The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize