I'm jealous of your bromance
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
