My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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