im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
