that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize