you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
