I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
