i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
