Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
