FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize