yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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