I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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