Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
