My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Come on in and take your pants off
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