i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
