she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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