Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
