hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I wear drunk well.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
