Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We left an ass print on the piano.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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