I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
