I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
