we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
