Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
