He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
How's work?
Spinning.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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