Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
