Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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