You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
