dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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