i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize