I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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