fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
