So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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