i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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