You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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