Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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