my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
