nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
