This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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