Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
