dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
