I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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