Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize