Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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