my soul wont recognize me after tonight
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
