Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
