Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
