Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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