Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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