I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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