I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Randomize
