Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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