im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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