My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize