I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
