How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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