I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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