Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
