Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
