Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
