so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
