Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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