please come you make the beer taste better
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
