Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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