Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
