The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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