You work out of a Hotel?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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