the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
