you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
