just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
