ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize