so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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