Got a toothbrush?
Having a random hookup so left but love u
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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