Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
