It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
