I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize