Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Sorry my hands just texted you
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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