Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
So much rum. So many feels.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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