I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
