i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
