I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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