just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
