Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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