you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
