i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize