I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
