TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
